I called the doctor’s office.
“I’m Hanna,” I said when Dr. Samson came on the line. “Joshua’s wife. I found the records. I know about the lymphoma. I need to know if there’s anything left to try.”
His voice softened. “There is a clinical trial. It’s risky, expensive, and the waiting list is difficult.”
“Can my husband get on it?”
“We can try, but it isn’t covered by insurance.”
I looked across the room at Matthew and William, both bent over their crayons, both already ours.
“I have severance money,” I said. “Put his name on the list.”
The next evening, I went home.
Joshua was sitting at the kitchen table, eyes red, untouched coffee in front of him.
He stood when he saw me.
“Hanna…”
“You let me quit my job,” I said. “You let me fall in love with those boys. You let me believe this was our dream.”
His face crumpled. “I wanted you to have a family.”
“No.” My voice shook, but I didn’t look away. “You wanted to decide what happened to me after you were gone.”
He covered his face with both hands.
“I told myself I was protecting you,” he whispered. “But really, I was protecting myself. I couldn’t bear to watch you choose whether to stay.”
That truth landed between us like broken glass.
“You made me a mother without telling me I might be raising them alone,” I said. “You don’t get to call that love and expect gratitude.”
He cried then.
I let him.
“I’m here because Matthew and William need their father,” I said. “And because if there is time left, we are going to live it in the truth.”
The next morning, I told him we were done with secrets.
“We tell our families,” I said. “We tell the doctors everything. We fight properly.”
He nodded. “Will you stay?”
“I’ll fight for you,” I said. “But you have to fight too.”
Telling our families nearly broke him.
His sister cried first, then turned on him.
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