During The Party, My Dad Raised A Toast For My Sister-In-Law’s Son, Speaking As If He Were The Only Grandchild In The Room. Then My Brother And Sister-In-Law Added, “Family Tradition Matters A Lot To Us.” My Daughter Turned To Look At Me, My Husband Lowered His Head And Kept Eating. Then I Spoke Up, And The Whole Family Was Left In Surprised Silence…”

I remember one time in middle school when I won the regional spelling bee. I was so excited practicing for weeks. And when they called my name as champion, I looked out into the audience hoping to see them cheering. Dad was there, but he spent most of the event checking his phone for updates on Kevin’s soccer practice that same afternoon. When it was over, he gave me a quick hug and said:

“Good job.”

Before rushing off to pick Kevin up. Mom sent flowers to school the next day, which was nice, but she never mentioned it at family dinner where the conversation revolved around Kevin’s upcoming tournament. Holidays were the same. Christmas mornings, Kevin’s gifts were always the bigger ones, the ones dad had researched for months. A new bike, one year, gaming console, another. Mine were thoughtful, but smaller, like books or clothes. And dad would explain it away by saying Kevin needed more because he was active and growing into a man.

I learned early not to complain. If I did, mom would pull me aside and whisper that I should be happy for my brother, that family meant supporting each other without keeping score. In high school, Kevin joined football and became the star quarterback for a couple of seasons. Dad never missed a game driving hours if needed, cheering loud from the stands. I was in debate club and science olympiad winning state awards twice, but dad only made it to one event and even then he left early because Kevin had practice. Mom came to a few of my competitions sitting quietly in the back clapping politely, but she rarely brought it up later. Instead, the fridge was covered in newspaper clippings about Kevin’s games.